Did you dress up today? See any good costumes?
I sorta dressed up. I'm in my Philadelphia Flyers practice jersey - because there's nothing scarier than the Broad Street Bullies of the 1970s.
There's a new book, They Call Me Naughty Lola, out. It's a collection of singles ads from the London Review of Books. Some of the best that made this article are:
- 'I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.'
- 'Stroganoff. Boysenberry. Frangipani. Words with their origins in people's names. If your name has produced its own entry in the OED then I'll make love to you. If it hasn't, I probably will anyway, but I'll only want you for your body. Man of too few distractions, 32.'
- 'Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks...damn it, I have to pee again.'
I was sent this by a friend and have changed the names to protect the guilty (other than me). It’s good to know that I'm the devil on someone’s shoulder and I take pride in the fact that I'm part of his interior monologue.
We begin as my Male Friend 1 is at work talking with one of his coworkers.
Coworker: Who else is on the committee?
Male friend 1: Besides me? Pam, Dottie, Maggie,
Coworker: Oh, you get to work closely with Maggie! That's so nice!
Male Friend 1: No. Nononono. I know that look on your face. You just stop that line of thought right now.
Me - as the little devil on his shoulder: Are you mental? Rule 2!
Male Friend 1: That's Rule 2. I might mess around with Rule 1, but not Rule 2.
Coworker: But she's really smart, and the only person in the library about your age.
Male Friend 1: Rule 2!
Me - as the little devil on his shoulder: Wait. Is she cute?
Male Friend 1: Doesn't matter. Rule 2. That's it.
Me - as the little devil on his shoulder: Well, if she's cute, fuck Rule 2.
Coworker: You never know, you two could be great together.
Male Friend 1: Ain't gonna happen. There are a thousand reasons it'd be a bad idea.
Me - as the little devil on his shoulder: Yeah, but you haven't answered the "is she hot" question yet.
Male Friend 1: Fine. She's hot. Still. Rule 2.
Coworker: I don't think you've fully thought this out.
Me - as the little devil on his shoulder: Oh, you have. Overthought, even, per your usual. In this case, though, I agree with you.
Male Friend 1: I don't need to think or overthink. Rule 2. Also, she has a horse.
Coworker: So?
Male Friend 1: It's a truth that girls who have horses are rarely interested in boys.
Me - as the little devil on his shoulder: You know, I've broken Rule 2 more than once. So you know.
Coworker: I don't know. There could be needs that she has which a horse won't meet.
Male Friend 1: Please don't let the fact that I've repeatedly begged you to stop keep you from continuing. Feel free to keep going. I'll just listen here, with my face in my hands.
Fade out.
And, in case you’re wondering by this point, Rule 1 is “Don’t date the patrons.” Though if they're cute enough/hot enough, I may just give up Rule 1 too.
As a follow up to my "I don't care post" and because people have asked about it, here's a photo of my "Bother Me" sign that I have on my Public Service desk.
Feel free to steal borrow the idea - I got it from someone else in libraryland too.
Show us a self-portrait.
I've posted this before, but since you're asking again...
I've decided that the US social convention of asking "How are you?" as an icebreaker is something that I'm going to give up. I know that it's become the standard greeting, but I really don't care how most people are doing, nor they I. So I'm going to attempt to replace it with a more generic greeting such as "Good Morning" or "Good Afternoon" or even (gasp) "Hello".
I work with the public daily in my role as a librarian and I see many social interaction conventions that get played out by those who approach my desk. I had to put up a sign that says "Bother Me" because people would come up and say "I don't mean to bother you, but...". Well, it's not a bother. It's why I'm here - to help you. If you didn't have questions, I wouldn't have a job. And it's not just being nice. Most people are nice. Most people are polite. But things like "I don't mean to bother you" and "How are you" go beyond that. They tread carefully into what you're doing and your well-being.
But, to be honest, they really don't care. They don't know what they're saying even, because if you answer with something other than "good" or "fine", people are taken aback and don't know what to say. Next time someone asks you how you're doing, tell them that you need to have surgery the next day. Watch them stutter to find something to say. Or, more likely, they won't even hear your answer.
I know I'm not the first one to rail against this - comics have taken it up (George Carlin comes to mind), as have radio and TV commentators - but I really think we need to start thinking about it. Unless I know you well, I don't care how you are. And if I do care, I'll ask as part of our conversation, not as an icebreaker.
What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?
Submitted by Megan.
Doesn't that depend on where you live and what you're used to? I mean, to some cultures, eating cow is weird. That said, though, probably the oddest thing I've ever eaten is shark fin soup. And I have to say it wasn't good. ;)
How many computers do you have in your house?
Submitted by Foomper.
3: my Powerbook G4, my soon-to-be ex husband's Mac something or other and the big Dell computer that I'm going to turn into a music server eventually.
I love Stephen Colbert almost as much as I love Jon Stewart. Stephen is probably more brilliant than Jon, but Jon has the "he's probably better in bed" factor going for him. Either way, this? Is fabulous. The entry on MLK is priceless as is the entry on Adolf Hitler.
I'm in love.Adolf Hitler, born John Wilkes Booth Kennedy in 1889, was the child of two liberal, gay men. His childhood consisted mostly of eating at In-N-Out Burgers while his parents were at work. Adolf was a latchkey kid. This would help explain why later Hitler had extreme cravings for peanut butter, celery sticks, and watching little boys play hop-scotch.
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