5 posts tagged “christmas”

Because I really am having a South Park Christmas...

Stockings are hung on the chimney
And the presents are under the tree.
And Mamma's in the kitchen
Making some herbal tea.
Windows are covered in frost
And the candles are all alight
But as I wander through this quiet house
Something just doesn't seem right

You see, every year the neighbors bring us
A Swiss Colony Beeflog.
But the neighbors aren't around (around, around)
And there's no beeflog to be found this year.

Christmas, isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beeflog.
Without those cheeses and meat
I don't think I can get along.
My Mother tries to comfort me
She says 'Here son, have some eggnog'
I fucking hate eggnog seriously..

But what do I see?
Underneath the tree?
Grandma got a Swiss Colony Beeflog
Just for me! aaah, aaaaah, aaaaaah, grandma!

Swiss Colony Beeflog, baby
That's what Christmas is all abouut!
A roly-poly Colony beeflog, lady
Makes a little boy scream and shout!

Deck the halls with with boughs of Swiss Colony.
Fa-la-la-la-la, laa-laa-laa-laaaa!
Sweet.
- South Park Christmas, "Swiss Colony Beeflog"

Ok.  I'm done with the hope thing...  ;)  Cuz, you know, 'tis the season to be a jackass.  And to that end, I bring you Mr. Garrison:

I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and fucking celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and fucking celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!
- South Park Christmas, "Merry Fucking Christmas"

Trying to get in the mood here in humid, sunny FL.

For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute
Candles in the windows
Carols on the spinet.

Yes we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute
It hasn't snowed a single flurry
Oh Santa, dear, we're in a hurry.
- Jerry Herman (Though it's the Johnny Mathis version I always hear in my head) "Oh We Need A Little Christmas"

Because I'm an atheist, people generally are amused by the fact that I enjoy Christmas music.  O Holy Night is one of the most beautiful songs ever written.  Just because I don't believe in the sentiment doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the music that comes out of it.  That said, my two favorite seasonal songs are fairly new.  The first one I like because it really expresses how I feel about the season.  The second?  Because it expresses how I feel about how hypocritical people are during this time of year. 

They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
But instead it just kept on raining
A veil of tears for the virgin birth

I remember one Christmas morning
A winter's light and a distant choir
And the peal of a bell and that Christmas Tree smell
And eyes full of tinsel and fire

They sold me a dream of Christmas
They sold me a Silent Night
And they told me a fairy story
'Till I believed in the Israelite

And I believed in Father Christmas
And I looked to the sky with excited eyes
'Till I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise

I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave New Year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear

They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
Hallelujah Noel be it Heaven or Hell
The Christmas we get we deserve

Once, in royal David's city
Stood a lonely cattle shed
Where a mother held her baby

You'd do well to remember the things he later said.

When you're stuffing yourselves and the Christmas parties,
You'll just laugh when I tell you to
Take a running jump.

You're missing the point I'm sure does not need making:
That Christmas spirit is
Not what you drink.

So how can you laugh when your own mother's hungry?
And how can you smile when the reasons for smiling are wrong?

And if I just messed up your thoughtless pleasure,
Remember, if you wish,
This is just a Christmas Song.

(Hey, Santa, pass us that bottle will ya?)

Santa being drawn by flamingoes

I saw this last year and adored it.  I was glad when they put it back up this year.  I'm going to try for better photos later, but I took these on my way home from work tonight.